My name is Penelope Red, and I am a child of a high functioning heroin user. As a child, I felt extremely isolated. I hope I can change my trauma to help children like me in the future have a platform and resources so they are not alone. They are not to blame and they do not need to feel guilt or shame.

I grew up appearing normal. Had clean clothes on my back, and had the necessities not to raise concerns. However, my mother was a high functioning heroin user. We grew up in a modest home, 2 up, 2 down with a mortgage. However, the abuse was still the same. I had to parent my parents, and I could never reach out because I knew care could be worse. I have always grown up feeling like I was lucky because I wasn’t homeless or in care, but I did suffer. I did eat my cereal with the heroin burned spoons, I did parent my mother. I grew up with my friends using terms such as ‘junkie’ and remember feeling so disgusting about my situation.

My mother still worked, had a reasonable salary and I was in no way living in poverty, but even you went to school with someone like me, who felt trapped and isolated. The health services and my schooling failed me (which I only left in 2014), and I want to do everything in my power to stop anybody else like me feeling so isolated and the danger of using derogatory language around substance use as it has a ripple effect on the family also.

My school saw my bruises from my step father, but didn’t believe me due to how my mum appeared. I was even sent to a drug counsellor due to my mother telling my school I was a liar. I was also caught stealing from school, but they did not investigate why. The reason was the fact I was starving. I never had food at home and I did not qualify for free school meals. I often had to turn to theft or pretend to leave my key at home so I could go to my friends houses to get fed.

As a society, we have a conception of what an substance use is, how they end up alone because of their actions, but we forget the ripple effect addiction leaves. Addiction knows no boundaries; it affects people of all walks of life, regardless of age, gender, or social status. It is a formidable adversary, leaving its mark on individuals and communities, tearing apart dreams, and shattering families. Today, we come together not only to confront this shadow but also to ignite a beacon of hope and healing for the children and families affected by addiction.

Something I’ve frequently been told is ‘you are rare, there isn’t a big enough market of you’. Even through offering to tell my story with no financial or social benefit for myself, I’ve been met with the ever present stigma of not wanting to talk about drugs. The taboo, the disgust, the shame.

Through telling my story I have demonstrated that this is not the case, and we have not even scratched the surface of how many children of those who are suffering with substance use are not receiving any support and are feeling alone in this already lonely world. I have had harrowing stories from people all over with similar, if not worse stories and the common theme is the ongoing mental health impact from childhood through to adulthood.

Even if you search for substance use such as Heroin you are met with ‘it is Class A drug’ and ‘you will get 9 years in prison’ as a child searching this it is terrifying. Whilst I appreciate this is basic scare mongering and we do not want to promote the use of drugs, I feel more open and honest conversations around the honesty around drugs and the realism of prosecution. As a child, you will always protect your parent, so sending my mother to jail was not an option for me.

I am on a journey to hold myself to a higher standard for my language around substance use. I don’t always get it right, but I am consciously trying. We need to continue to challenge what we see in the media, or what we think we know about substance use. We need a family person centered approach and break down the ever present stigma that can prevent so many from getting the help they deserve.

If you’d like to read more, Penelopes book ‘Consequences Beyond Belief’ is available on Amazon and Waterstones and other online retailers. Alongside this, please contact peneloperededucate@gmail.com or reach out via @peneloperedtrust on Instagram